Therapy

"Therapy: Treatment  by some rehabilitating or curative process."

I love to sing and I have been in various choirs since fourth grade. Though I practice often, rarely do people hear me sing by myself.  The only exceptions to this were my Grandpa Grace and my old childhood friend, they were the only two who I would/will sing on command for comfortably.

The reason for this isn't so much stage fright as it is that singing is sacred to me. It is my therapy. When my heart becomes so full it spills over, the result has always been that I sing. It is one of the few things that I do solely for me.

I am curious what are some of your therapies?

I wanted to do a post that related to Valentine's Day, the following is a spilling of my thoughts, it is very rough and I do not pretend that it is perfect or that the list contains everything.

In love I need:

• A partner who is willing to show up; A man who has the strength to trust and open up
• A sense of belonging
• Someone who understands
• Desire and "EEEEE--!" (And "OH Yes!")
• Real genuineness
• A partner who will laugh and have fun and cherish me to my core
• A good work ethic
• I need to be able to surrender
• I need exponential

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On a different note:

To my friends and family,

I am still working on those valentines-letters (see reference here). School has been keeping me super busy. So don't fret if you haven't received one yet!

February the Month of Love (And Sometimes Bitterness...)

Source via

I know I have posted a lot today, for the first time in what feels like ages I actually have a little time.

Well its here, February, the month we associate with love. The month that makes me think of the colors pink and red, of candy hearts, paper valentines and all things lovey-dovey. Although this notorious month can generate dread through the single community, I believe it is a good thing we associate "love" with February. Why you ask? Because of its dreary and cold weather (in Utah, especially Provo Utah, at least), lasting holiday bills, and the stupid groundhog who always sees his shadow, if it wasn't associated with "love" it would be associated with "hate." So I welcome the reminder that we all need a little more love in our life. :)

Actually, February happens to be one of my favorite months. I am a bit of a sucker when it comes to love. As the saying goes "I love to love" not just a significant other, but my friend's as well! I read a brilliant idea on a blog that I am going to try this month.

Image from Three Little Chickies

It is my goal to write 28 letters of love for my friends, family, and the boy I am crazy about. One for each day. I know this means that I will have some catching up to do, but I am excited. If you are in my inner circle look forward to a letter! :) Depending on how much time I have to devote to this project, I may turn the letters into postcards with some fancy doodle or ink work on them. That way it will be a good way to practice my art as well.

Well, it is late so I am going to go. Happy February everyone! Brace yourself for more mushy posts about Valentine's Day.

Today's Thought

"Use everything in your means to bring about a better world." - Mairead Corrigan Maguire

Did you know that yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of President John F. Kennedy's inaugural address? The very address when the famous phrase "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." was spoken. I feel we can take the message of those words and apply them to more than our country. What can we do for our family, friends, community, country, and world? I don't mean to sound preachy, but I feel that each of us has the capability and responsibility to offer so much back. These acts to make a world a better place don't always have to be extraordinary. There was a time when I was saved by someone's smile and small acts of kindness. The very actions that meant the world to me I am certain she never thought twice about. We were both kids and she used what was in her means-smile, be friendly, be understanding- at the time to make the world around her better.

The term "human race" can seem very abstract when spoken. But the truth is that the human race is you and me. Humans are made to be interdependent. We need other humans to be human, because of human consciousness and capacity we have the single greatest impact on all life on this planet. This is a huge responsibility and one that needs to be upheld not neglected. We need to use our means to try and make things brighter.

Anyway, sorry, I kind of went off on a rant... If anyone is bored take a moment and read Kennedy's address it was one of the most influential political and presidential speeches in history.

L.O.V.E.

William Shakespeare said: "Love is blind."
Pat Benatar said: "Love is a battlefield."
If both statements are true do any of us stand a chance?

Words From A Very Wise Woman

Thank you for the letter Maya Angelou! Your words meant a great deal to me. :)

Sincerely,

A most grateful daughter

If anyone is interested here is a link to order her book:
http://www.amazon.com/Letter-My-Daughter-Maya-Angelou/dp/1400066123

Awhile ago I found this note while browsing through a book store. It was crumpled up on one of the shelves. Reading it, I was struck by its content. There have been many times in my life when I have been faced with the uncertainties expressed in this piece of paper.

Though, I try to stay away from the fear of success (What good does it do the world if we shirk away from our capabilities and be little ourselves?) I couldn't help wonder what it is that makes us fear success and happiness sometimes as much as failure? Does it tap into human's natural fear and excitement of the unknown? Or is it because that life teaches everyone of us ( I say that with confidence) that what goes up inevitably goes down? After all, the fall is greater when you are "on top" than if you stay where you are. Perhaps it is both or neither of the two scenarios I have stated?

Its Thunder Cake Time!

"As summer clouds drift low over the fields..."grandmother looked at the horizon, drew a deep breath and said, "This is Thunder Cake baking weather, all right. Looks like a storm coming to me." - Patricia Polacco

Greetings everyone, from where I am reporting from it is the first major rainstorm of the summer! ha ha. I just came in from...thoroughly enjoying it, and although I took time to first change into warm pajamas and wrap myself snug in a quilt I am still simultaneously shivering as I type.

When the storm started I was leaving the movie theater parking lot. The rain hadn't started to fall yet, but the wind violently whipped my hair about in every direction as I ran to my car. In the distance I could hear thunder, and was reminded of an old children's book I used to read (and actively participated with) during the rainy season in Arizona when I was little.

The book was Thunder Cake by Patricia Polacco. It is a story about the author’s own childhood, how as a little girl she was terrified of thunder and how her grandmother helped her overcome her fear by baking cakes. When the little girl, filled with fear of the lightning and thunder hides under her bed, the grandma coaxes her out and tells her they need to "prepare the cake before the storm arrives, or else it is not a real thunder cake." She then tells her how to gauge how far away the storm is by counting seconds from the flash to the boom. They undergo different tasks to complete the cake while counting the storm's approach. When they get back to the house and place the cake in the oven the grandmother tells the little girl how brave she was for walking outside and completing each task as she did, and that she should no longer be afraid of the sound of thunder. As they pulled out the cake and began to slice it the rain started pouring down on their roof.

It really is such a cute story, I wish I still had a copy of it. As a child, I was never really too frightened of thunder, however, I loved learning how to measure the distance of a storm and practice such a unique way to bake a cake. (The back of the book gives instructions and a recipe to make "Thunder Cake.")

Anyway, back to the parking lot...As I was walking to my car when I heard the thunder I watched for the lightning to appear. Instantaneously when I saw it flash across the sky I began counting. "...One Mississippi, two Mississippi... and so forth," until I heard the loud roar ripple across the sky. It was my immediate reaction to count that reminded me of the book I had read so often in my youth. Although, unfortunately I did not have time to prepare a cake, I did race the storm to my neighborhood, I drove up aways to a road that is high in the mountain and over looks the valley. The neat part is that the counting worked as I parked my car the down pour started. I got out of my car and let the rain soak me as I watched the spectacular light show in the sky.

I cannot wait for the next storm to pass through. When it comes I am going to make myself and all who wish to join me a real thunder cake! I used to do it all the time, and I plan to do it with my kids someday, who knows perhaps it will help them overcome their fear of storms.

"As rain poured down on our roof, Grandma cut a wedge for each of us. She poured us steaming cups of tea from the samovar. When the thunder ROARED above us so hard it shook the windows and rattled the dishes in the cupboards, we just smiled and ate our Thunder Cake. From that time on, I never feared the voice of thunder again."

Right Now...

I just got out from the shower and am taking a break from blow drying my hair. I have all of the windows open in my house and am listening to the wind rustle the leaves around. My cat Figaro is on the bed alert as the edge of the storm approaches. Right now I am waiting anxiously for the rain.

Possible Career Switch to a Wicca?

(Warning the content in this post may show how much of a nerd I actually am...)

I have just spent the last hour in a section of the library that is often portrayed in movies as the "University Make Out spot." You know that area that is exceptionally rural, where the books are coated with a layer of dust and perfumed with mildew, and the lights are dim? That is where I spent my afternoon researching alternative and herbal medicines for one of my classes.

Despite how tedious that first paragraph sounded, I actually am really enjoying this topic. I have always been fascinated with the lore of plants and herbs. When I was younger I made a point to memorize which plants could be used as lethal poisons. And I love the healing aspect of plants as well. Something I have always found interesting is that many times a plant will contain both medicinal aspects and hazardous ones depending on which part of the plant you are using. In some plants the leaves and flowers are poisonous while the roots are nutritious.

Hmmm...after this research project perhaps I will plant the garden I have always wanted...except instead of just putting "pretty flowers" in it I will fill it with medicinal flowers and plants!

Let It Snow!

(Image taken from freefoto.com)

I never understood the term "winter wonderland" before I came here, then again I had never seen snow except for what I saw of it in movies until I came here either....and you never know how real that stuff is, ha ha. I now understand why so much magic is associated with snow. It does seem magical the way an ordinary street can be transformed into a place of sparkling white bliss over the time scale of one night.

This morning when I woke up I felt that my house had been relocated during my sleep. It was no longer where it once had been, but had been moved to the center of a snow globe, one that had just been recently shaken. Clumps, not flakes, of snow were falling down and the snow that already lay on the earth came up past my knees! The trees were all veiled in white and arched over the streets as if greeting those passing by this new icy world.

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Here are some things to do today if you live in the snow.
1. Obviously go outside make a snowman-snow fort-snow angel...etc.
2. Deck some unsuspecting victim with a snowball. *evil laugh*
3. You could have an icicle sword fight...do this with caution though....
4. Sledding, snowboarding, skiing are all great on days like today!
5. Go ice skating (on a date if you can!), then afterward make or go get hot chocolate! A good recommendation I have is at Starbucks and it is their new White Hot Chocolate with peppermint pieces.
6. Cuddle up in blankets and watch a good movie!

Tears

It is a strange thing, have you ever been moved so much by something that you find yourself in tears? These tears that surface are not caused as a result of fragility encountered by frustration, nor are they necessarily the result of sorrow, they are simply the result of being so in touch with something or someone that you can actually feel what they are feeling, move with them, and yet it stirs your own emotions and memories deep within you at the same time. You feel your heart is overflowing, expanding to the extent that it becomes close to the surface where tears are easily accessible; before you know it they just come.

This occurred to me today as I read a poem, all of the feelings I stated above occurred within me as I read each line of every stanza. The authors words moved me in such away that I can never truly capture my experience with words, and at the end I literally found myself moved to tears. These tears caught me off guard because I don't really cry. Sadly in the last six years I can count the number of times I have cried, this includes the one tear bit, on both hands with fingers to spare. This isn't because I am a robot, I have felt great pains and every morsel of what I stated above, it is simply hard for me to cry.

More Random Ramblings: Something About Dresses That Twirl

Ever since I was little girl (even when I was going through my long lived tom-boy phase where dresses were the last thing I wanted to deal with) I have always loved dresses and skirts that full on whirl and twirl when you spin in them. I am not sure why, maybe it is because you can never not feel pretty while wearing them (not just pretty, but also sexy Marilyn Monroe proves this in "The Seven Year Itch!"), they can be both fun and glamorous (many times they combine the two) and being that I am a fan of twirling I believe this is a big reason behind my love of this style of dress; They embellish the already fun action of "twirling!"

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Three things:

1. Corinne, after all she did help me wrap my wrist up tonight, with a "whatever it is called band aid" that unlike its boring comrades that are a dull tan color, is purple!

2. Stars

3. The Moon.

Random Rambling: Sickness

So on a sadder note than my "love letter" in response to Corinne's post "my favoritist Ashley," (not to sound sarcastic, a post of appreciation to my best friend was LONG over due!) have you noticed how everyone is sick with a disease of some sort these days? Seriously, I was walking down the hall at the university and people were just making me sad. I over heard multiple ramblings of many different physical vexes people have. One lady was complaining about the seizures she had all through out the weekend, another guy was complaining about his terrible sleep insomnia, and one person couldn't figure out what they had they kept going to doctors but no one could figure anything out what was wrong with him.

I believe that there are more ailments now-a-days simply because of how technologically advanced we are. I am not saying that this is a bad thing, I mean I would not be living myself were it not for modern medicines (perhaps I am part of the problem). Way back when if you were sick with something you died, and you couldn't pass the gene on, but now with the advancements we have many that would have died live. Thus they survive to reproduce and pass along that gene that earlier would have screwed them over. Pretty much humans have killed natural selection.

This is kind of a touchy topic. Is this necessarily a bad thing? On one hand you have parents that are now permitted to raise and love their children that because of our advancements survived such things as cancer, and diabetes. But on the other hand more of those people are passing along the gene to future generations. I am just raising a question. This is a topic that I don't believe has a definite answer. I do not agree with Hitler who terribly miss used Darwin's theory. I mean who are we to determine who has the right to live?

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Three things I am grateful for:

1. Kids with a good vocabulary. I think languages are important and are slowly dying as we become lazier. So when I was working the other day and saw a five year old little boy look at me putting fruit in the blender tilt his head and say: "Fascinating." Not only did it make me laugh, and temporarily shock me, it made me happy to know that there are children out there that know more words than "cool." (I hope that kid doesn't get beat up at school:( )

2.Hazelnut steamers, They keep me warm, make me happy, and they are the best. I tried a strawberry steamer yesterday and felt sick the rest of the day. I guess that's what I get for straying from the classic.

3. The internet, I like how it has allowed me to stay close with those of my friends and family that have moved far away. I like being able to see pictures of Rachael's new baby, and the crazy Halloween houses my cousin saw.

What Happened to Adventurers?

What happened to the world of adventurers and explorers? It seems that the once noble and respectable career has been demoted to that of children's fantasies and short articles in history books. In fact for the most part in our modern world the profession of an "adventurer" is extinct. Why is this? I cannot believe that there is simply nothing left in our world to discover. I believe that it is far from that fallacious thought. Perhaps we just have different priorities now...?

How fantastic would it be to resurrect this exhilarant business? I want to step far beyond my comfort zone, I want to be lost in a foreign country that doesn't speak the same language as me nor share my own customs, to discover things that history has long since forgotten, to embark on hair-raising experiences.

Anywho, on a closing note I decided to make a list of six small things that are a "quick fix" for all of my adventurer friends out there.

1. Take a new route that you have never been on to where-ever your destination is.

2. Don't let the rain stop your out-door plans.

3. Go outside of the city, and eat dinner in a small town cafe/diner.

4. Say "yes" to the next person who asks you to do something. (assuming that thing wouldn't go against your conscience)

5. Next time you get the chance to do something like karaoke, do it!

6. And all in all, DON'T be afraid to try new things!

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Hmm...three things I am grateful for.

1. To go along with my post, traveling definitely!

2. Clouds; I know this is random, but driving today, I saw so many beautiful things involving clouds. This morning on my way to the university Mount Timpanogos was covered by clouds except for the top peak, it looked like it was floating in the sky, and the sun was shining perfectly on it so that both the snowy peak and the clouds were glowing. Then driving home I saw such a unique cloud formation with the sunsetting it was extraordinary. Plus is there anything fluffier than a cloud?! If there is I don't want to know about it! lol.

3. For three I am going to have to list my kitty Figaro!

Its List Time!!!

Hello, I've noticed it's been awhile since I have posted a good list. If you have noticed I have been more in the mood to post pictures than actual writing posts. However, with many English papers due this term I have much need of the practice. (For those of you who have read my entries I am sure you understand, lol.) Still not quite in the writing mode, I thought a list would be a perfect solution for getting me back in the swing of things. So here, in no particular order, are a few things I am feeling grateful for today.

1. Nature - There are many in this world who receive their energy from being around people, and people orientated things. Though I love a good party, and I do love to be around people, I am not one of those people. I am one who obtains my energy from nature. No matter where I am in the future, New York City, San Francisco...etc, I will always return to nature. To my waterfalls, my mountains, deserts, forests, jungles, lakes, oceans. Any place where trees and plants are not strategically placed.

2. Febreze - A huge 180 degree turn from nature I know. But it keeps my clothes, furniture, room, everything smelling fresh and clean. Lately I have been favoring the scent "meadows and rain."

3. The color blue - I love the color blue, all shades of it. I love the way the sky stretches it over the earth like a briliant Yves klein painting. The way it ripples through water. How it can radiate a strong calming feeling, or in other tints and shades, can give off either a light bubbly feeling, or deep empathetic feeling.

4. The ability to smile - Nothing (except when a smile is practiced over a long period of time) seems so relieving to me as a smile. Like tears it is a reaction to an emotion that really only human beings emit. I love the ability to smile, and I hope no matter how hard life gets I never lose that ability or the ability to make others smile.

On the Moon

There are times, like tonight driving home from work, when I achingly wish that words, cameras, or even paintings could truly capture the beauty of the moon. As I drove, absorbing the blessing of her bright presence just over the beautiful mountains that surround my home I couldn't help but chuckle a little to think that in truth many times our views of the moon are optical illusions. The moon is never farther or closer to the earth, nor is it really ever half or a quarter present, the Earth's shadow merely covers part of it. Because of this illusion did the rest of the world see the beautiful moon I witnessed tonight? It has been quite some time since I have seen her (I say her because I have always pictured the moon as a woman...I am not sure why) as "close" and as bright as she was tonight.

Sorry to Drag-On On the Same Topic...

Sorry if you have been keeping up on my posts. (which I doubt, other than my family no one else really reads my blog...but that is for the best I started this blog for three reasons, to keep my family and friends posted on my life, as a means to practice my writing, and to keep a sorta journal, so the less people who read it is probably for the better) I know that as of late I have been really only writing about one thing: the rain. But I can't help it lately I have been absolutely itching to be caught in a 95 degree, smell-the pavement-rain!

Finally the earth granted me my wish last Saturday night. For about an hour and a half, minus the lightning the storm almost competed with the summer monsoon in Arizona. However, as luck would have it I happened to be working for the majority of it.:( The good news is that business at Orange Julius happened to be slower than usual that day and the two girls I was working with wanted to see the storm nearly as bad as I did. So we each took turns running out side to see it and play in it. Perhaps it was unprofessional, but it was worth it! It must have been a funny sight seeing all three Orange Julius girls completely soaked when people ordered their drinks...I can only imagine what they were thinking.

I love rain storms, I'll admit I wouldn't want it everyday, but there is something about them. I am not sure if I can even do my feelings justice with words. I love everything about a good storm. The earth right before the storm hits and the rain begins to fall, The "edge" of it. The way the leaves blow and twist in the wind, wild. The atmosphere feels different....almost unsure... It is impossible to feel tired, sad, or anything but aware, aware of the fact that you are alive. There is an energy at the edge of the storm, an energy that makes my spirit soar...I love it! And then when the rain begins to fall, I feel childish almost, free, wanting to run, dance, and splash around. Yet at the same time I feel contemplative, mediative, and even contradicting as it may sound to what I have stated, sober. I love the rain, the way it floods swirls, and creates musical rhythms on rooftops, pavements, or any surface it hits. The way it washes and leaves the earth fresh when it is through. The thunder and the lighting both intimidate and enchant me. Something about storms make me feel small a little at times too.

Speaking of small it at times makes me feel a little primal. It takes me back to the fact that I am human. Mankind, no matter how technology and advancements separate us from nature, can never separate ourselves from the need of rain. We cannot survive without it. Life began with and in water. Maybe it is this basic instinct that creates the love and welcome of a good rain storm inside me.

Anyway here are some pictures of the Monsoon in Arizona I found. Sorry I promise this will be my last post on rain for awhile....I have other things to post on, like the arrival of my new cousin Penny, oh and I probably should do another update on my duck Henry, who by the way is a GIRL!!!! Crazy huh?

Rain Dances and Such

Its funny today was a beautiful sunny 95 degree day, and I found myself a little sad, missing the rain I am so accustomed to at this time of year. In Arizona where I used to live, the end of July to the the beginning of August was known as the "monsoon" season.

It was the only time in my desert home when it truly rained. "Rained" is a pathetic understatement, it poured. We are talking streets flooding, moats in front of your house, for a couple of weeks you almost feel like you live in Venice Italy.

I loved the warm summer rain the monsoon brought for many reasons. It allowed for exceptional puddle jumping. It made the earth smell wonderful afterwards! To this day one of my favorite scents is the smell after it rains, especially when rain has found fresh soil. Some years the monsoon would arrive later and when school began there were many times when we were allowed "late days". Another thing that I loved about the monsoon was that it always awakened life in the desert. One example that I remember very vividly from my childhood were the (as Iyan the little boy I watch would put it) humongous Sonoran Desert Toads that would only really appear during the rainy season. These toads were enormous! To prove it I even looked them up, at average they are 7 inches long and often are bigger! They are the biggest toads in North America! I remember when I was little I would used to chase them and try and catch them believing that some were actually princes trapped in toad bodies. The monsoon also brought many wild flowers after.

However the number one reason why I loved and love the monsoon were the incredible thunderstorms it brought every year. Days of lighting dancing through the sky! I remember when I was little I would take out all of my stuffed animals, beanie babies, and other toys, pull out a chair on our back porch and watch the storms.

Well it is late, I believe I have rambled long enough for tonight. I wonder how the Monsoon is this year, I hope it is as wonderful as I remember it being. Maybe some other little kid is taking their stuffed animals out and watching it right now. It is the season. In any case if some one is I envy them.

Random thought...

Its funny how sometimes no matter how hard you plan things they always turn out different. And more often than not, it isn't bad...it is just different. I am reminded of an old dutch saying which roughly translated means: "Don't fret it will happen differently anyhow."

I think its important that we remain open, ready to work with the changes, because if you are grounded you can never move from that spot, it is harder to grow, and too learn some of life's most valuable experiences. Sometimes I feel that I need to act more like water, when water is trapped it finds a new path.

I had another random thought while thinking of life and plans... let's face it many of us fret over our "life plans." I think that it is important to keep this in mind when dealing with important plans...Plan to be surprised.